I guess if there's one other thing that I can be proud of, it is the fact that I've been blessed with the ability to self monitor fairly accurately. If I'm experiencing pain, or an emotion outside of the norm, then I get a hold of somebody to talk it out. Something I've tried to guard myself against is relying too heavily on outside substances to control inward mindsets, things that could be changed on my own; I never want to become a pill popper. Taking one pill to solve one problem, then taking another pill to solve the aftereffects of the first, and so on and so forth. Or taking a pill for every little pain, like a slight headache or a bone grinding in my hip.
When I came home from the ER in July 2014 with a tabletop covered in medications, I feared that it was already beginning. So, I was quick to get rid of as many medications as possible, down to only two daily pills; Prednisone for breathing, and Lorazepam to counter the anxiety. Both of which are at the minimum dose possible to be chemically effective at all.
Lately, I don't know if it's the extremely short days, frustrations with life, or what, but have found that I meet all of the requirements of clinical depression. Sleeping more, not hungry, don't really enjoy doing what I love, etc. etc. It's weird though, realizing it, seeing it exists. Just to openly say it, to joke about it. It's like those comedians who talk about being stuck at a red light, and their frustration "makes the thought of pulling into traffic last a couple seconds longer than usual." I'm not sad, I'm just tired. This depression is like Norton or McAfee to me, it's bloatware slowing me down.
After just openly stating last weekend to the GF, "I've got depression" – like it wasn't a big deal – I mentioned it to my doctor as a side note at the end of an appointment this last Monday. "I just need a pick me up." I said, realizing I sound like speed addict. Of which I was prescribed yet another pill called Effexor – all the benefits of a pick me up and an anti-anxiety in one. If all goes well, I may be able to drop Lorazepam, keeping my desire to not become a pill popper alive, and maybe get off of Effexor by summer.
Have you had any experience with Effexor? How do you deal with depression from the weather, or 'otherwhere'? What is your depression like?
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