As a child I grew up in a Baptist environment of the Christian church, so it took me a long time to really begin to get past a lot of the stigma imposed on marijuana. It really wasn't a significant topic of discussion until a couple years ago when I began having issues with my capacity to take a deep breath. Feeling like I am not getting enough air when I breathe is the major reason why doctors suggested morphine. I could be showing a blood oxygen level of 96% but when I am not wearing a BiPAP, the amount of effort it takes to get a complete breath sometimes makes it feel like I am suffocating. My heart rate increases during this time as well, which exacerbates the feeling causing my thoughts to raise and sending me further into panic mode. I know this sounds psychological, but this is actually a physiological response. You can hold your breath as long as you want underwater, but there comes a threshold point where your body will go into survival mode and force you to take that breath no matter how strong your will is to fight it. Your body begins to involuntarily thrash around as it tries to take a breath before you eventually pass out. For me, I am getting enough air but my brain is panicking as if it is not. This is where morphine is very beneficial, because it shuts off the "suffocation" signal allowing me to relax. The problem is it slows the heart rate down and can easily be overdosed, increasing the potential for death.
My Experience with Marijuana
This is when many people began to suggest medical marijuana, as it supposedly gave you all of the benefits of morphine but with none of the drawbacks. I mean I was getting it from everywhere, from church people I thought would be completely against drug use of any kind. I guess it just shows how far we've come in our acceptance of marijuana as more than just a drug but a legitimate tool. I began to study up on all the different methods of taking medical marijuana and settled on either under the tongue or edibles. I was fortunate enough to have a friend who had a grower and was willing to supply me with some samples from the type of plant that I thought would work for me. Now I wasn't really sure of what was in the samples they gave me, but I trusted the people it was coming from. But unfortunately nothing they ever gave me really worked, I just got a headache.
Then I got a hold of a candy bar bought from a medical marijuana store. It was donated by a veteran. Up to this point we had all assumed that when I was getting was not strong enough, and that since this came from a legitimate store it would be safe and have high quality ingredients mixed to the right proportions that would work for me. The wrapper detailed a lot of information about the percentage of medical marijuana versus the stuff that just makes you high. It all seemed to look right, so I broke off a little piece and took it. I was wrong! An hour later, something inside of the just let loose, and I felt legitimate fear. I could no longer focus, I was not in control of my thoughts, and even though I was breathing I felt I was forgetting to. I began believing that I was not breathing, that I had forgotten how to swallow and I could no longer hold myself up. I had serious concerns that I had just overdosed and I was going to die.
Fortunately, I eventually fell asleep and after five hours of mental torment and the inability to move. Everything went back to normal, slowly. During my initial reaction, my brother and sister-in-law took an even smaller dose and found they had a similar reaction but on a far smaller level. It seems that I had taken 10 times the recommended dose for my body size.
What I Learned from My Experience
No matter how much you trust the people you are getting your stuff from, treat marijuana exactly like prescription medication. You would never take drugs that were not explicitly prescribed for you and your exact needs. Go directly to a medical marijuana specialist who is able to answer all your questions, explain to you exactly what will work for you and how you are supposed to take it. I believe this was my biggest mistake, I did not speak with a professional who would be able to tell me exactly what would work for me and that set me up with a distribution source. Secondly, I am not sure I completely buy this idea that medical marijuana will do a better job than morphine. It seems that marijuana numbs the mind on a neurological and makes the individual apathetic to pain but also to the world. As an individual who relies on my mind, this is not what I needed, and played upon my fears and anxiety rather than just dealing with the breathing on a nervous system level like morphine does. This experience has just reinforced my hesitation to take anything that alters my brain's neurons, even antidepressants. (He says hypocritically as he takes Larazapm to go to sleep.) While this was awhile ago, it has left an enduring mark
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